Taking you to Yourself -3


If someone asks, “Do you want to lead a happier life? Do you want to enjoy rewarding & lasting relationships? Do you want to reduce stress?” Your answer would be “obviously yes”. The fact is all of us want to be happy, not only for few days, but for all times to come.

Is there a reasonable way to achieve this? My conviction is “Yes, there is an easy way out.” And the secret to everlasting happiness lies in the process of “Inner dialogue”, called self-talk in modern psychology. Today, psychologists profess that most of emotional hurts are created by an individual himself or herself, usually unintentionally, by indulging in negative self-talk.

“What is this process of self-talk”, a question might pop up in your mind. Well, as we go about leading our daily life, we all are constantly interpreting situations around us, and an internal dialogue (self-talk) takes place inside our head, which decides how we are going to feel about the situation.





Meet Jyoti and Raghav. Raghav, a software engineer, works with a multi-national firm. The two got married 5 years ago, and are blessed with a daughter, who is 2 years old. Jyoti and Raghav were college mates, who fell in love and finally decided to marry each other.


Apparently, Jyoti’s and Raghav’s relationship appears to be normal and healthy, but if we observe their daily life carefully, we will notice a number of ‘emotional wounds’ and ‘ill feelings’ Jyoti is carrying about Raghav.


This is what happened a few days ago. Just like any other day, Raghav got ready in the morning and left home for office. Raghav’s office was around 25 kms away from home, and he had to drive his bike each day 50 kms to and fro. After a day’s hard work, Raghav returned home.


In the evening, Jyoti and Raghav spent around 2 hours together, chatting and playing with their daughter. That day, their daughter was not keeping well as she was running fever. At around 10 pm, Raghav went to bed and in no time he was asleep. Jyoti after finishing household chores, went to sleep at around 10.30 pm. She too was asleep within a few minutes.


It was around 11.30 pm, Jyoti got up as she was worried about her daughter’s fever. She was about to wake up Raghav but something stopped her from doing so. She checked her daughter’s fever and gave her medicine.


Just before retiring to bed, Jyoti looked at Raghav. Raghav was sleeping soundly and unaware of what was going on in Jyoti’s head. Jyoti was quite upset and was feeling angry with Raghav. How could he sleep so coolly, whereas she was keeping awake and taking care of their daughter? Is he the same Raghav who cared about her a lot before their marriage? What had gone wrong with him? How could he be a different person now?  These were some of the questions which were disturbing her peace of mind. As a result she could not sleep whole night as she was full of anger and humiliation.




Here’s another case. Meet Gopal, a young science graduate working as an officer in a private company. Gopal got married to Lata. Lata being a home makerlooked after homeactivities. Apparently,Gopal and Lata, both are normal people, but if you observe their behaviour closely, you will notice a number ofemotional problems. This is how they spent their yesterday. 


In the evening, Gopal returned from office. He asked Lata to prepare a cup of tea for him. Lata, after serving tea and snacks to Gopal, asked Gopal if they could go shopping since it had been a long time since they went shopping together. Gopal suddenly got angry at Lata and told her that she always spent money lavishly and didn’t realize its value. If she wanted to spend money lavishly she should have married some rich person.


On hearing such sentences, Lata too lost her temper and retaliated that Gopal was miser and he did not love her. He was obsessed with his work!In no time both were engrossed in heated arguments– blaming and accusing oneanother. The rest of their day was spoiled. Lata went to bed crying, and Gopal kept lying wide awake in bed.


What happened yesterday is a typical example of what happens in the day-to-day life of Gopal and Lata. Of course, they know that the frequent emotional upsets which they experience, make them feel tired and drained, physically and mentally, and keep them in a disturbed state of mind, but don’t know how to deal with such emotionally upsetting situations. 


Needless to mention, people like Jyoti, Gopal, etc. are in legion. Just have a good look around and you will find so many people like them – suffering at emotional level, going through bad moods every now and then. The list of events or situations in which people feel unhappy, angry or insulted is endless, such as:


·        He sent the invitation card through a servant

·        Look, my husband / wife does not even remember even my birthday.

·        He visited my brother first and me later. Is it not insulting?

·        I have visited her house ten times, but she visited mine only thrice.

·        I got a smaller piece of cake whereas others have got a bigger one.

·        When I came home from office, tired and exhausted, my wife didn’t even ask me for a cup of coffee. And so on...


Why do people become emotionally disturbed? Who makes them feel bad? Is it their circumstances or do they themselves create emotional turmoil? If they create their emotional turmoil then why do they do so? You may even state that no person would like to spoil his or her mood? In fact you will find that all such people are normal, but then why don’t they stop doing such things? And, if these people are creators of their own emotional disturbances, how can they just come out of these disturbances?

These are some of the questions which might arise in your mind. We will try to understand the process and subsequently find a solution for these.